Top 25 Pigeon Boys of All Time

It all started at Old Chicago back in 2009.  That’s where we often met for happy hours – probably because it was walking distance to the bowling alley.  At this point, I can’t tell you who all was there, but I can tell you that’s where a few of us came up with the idea to start the greatest work softball team that ever existed.  At least in my humble opinion. 

A couple months later we were on the softball field for the first time, but not for long.  We wouldn’t get 10-runned, because you need to survive five innings for that.  Instead, we got 20-runned in three quick innings, and none of us were sure that Pigeon Boys would even live to make it to week 2.

16 years later, the Pigeon Boys continue to run strong.  There have been highs and lows, 25 teams, 4 championships, one former St. Paul Saint, and a countless number of incredible softball players – especially for a group of actuaries. 

“Where does the name come from?” is by far the most popular question I’ve received over the years.  From what I remember, Brad Stelzer recommended the team name from an episode of Always Sunny in Philadelphia, a show that was relatively new at the time.  But a more interesting question is “who is the greatest Pigeon Boy of all time?” and for the answer to that, you’ve come to the right place.

Prior to the 2025 season, I asked 30 former and current Pigeon Boys – each who played a minimum of four seasons – to anonymously submit ballots ranking their top 15 players of all time.  The votes were tallied and will announced here throughout the 2025 season.  45 players were eligible – with the only requirement being that the player must play a minimum of 3 seasons (sorry Jared) – and 41 players received votes; a clear indication of the enormous talent that has worn a neon orange jersey throughout the years.  So, without further ado, here are the greatest Pigeon Boys of all time, as voted on by their teammates:

25. MATT BIGELOW

18 POINTS (.540 BA, 1 HR, 101 R, 70 RBI, 1.261 OPS)

Matt played five years with the Pigeon Boys, but he was only on my team for three of them.  What I can say about Matt is that I enjoyed having him on my team a lot more than having to play him.  A fierce fielder, we could always count on Matt to be flawless in Left Field.  If a ball was getting hit out there, it was going to get caught.  But Matt was also a great hitter, as shown by his career batting average of .540, including two seasons where he hit above .600.  It was that kind of hitting that kept Matt at the top every lineup, regardless of which Pigeon Boys team he played for.  Matt retired from the Pigeon Boys in 2022, after purchasing a home that was a little too far away.  If the budget allowed for it, it would have been nice to purchase a condo for Matt on Thursday nights so we could keep him on the team.  (MD)

25. TAYLOR MAAS

18 POINTS (.479 BA, 2 HR, 105 R, 74 RBI, 1.067 OPS)

Fans would think they were watching Joe Mauer whenever Taylor Maas stepped up to the plate.  Not because he had trademark sideburns or MVP chants, but rather because he’d almost always take the first pitch.  It paid off, as Taylor would walk 30 times during his six-year career as a Pigeon Boy, an amount that no other Pigeon Boy has come close to breaking.  But Taylor also rivaled Joe Mauer with his hitting as well.  In 2017, he hit .625 and crushed his first career home run, earning him honors as the Most Improved player of the year.  In 2018, he proved 2017 wasn’t a fluke, as he batted .566 and crushed another home run.  But perhaps most importantly, Taylor always had a positive attitude, a lot of hustle, and a willingness to help out wherever he was needed.  Those attributes would help the Pigeon Boys win a championship in Taylor’s first season and earn him a spot as one of the greatest Pigeon Boys to play the game. (MD)

25. TYLER MANGAN

18 POINTS (.554 BA, 2 HR, 114 R, 88 RBI, 1.277 OPS)

Debuting in 2019 for the Pigeon Boys, Tyler immediately stepped in to make an impact by being a consistent hitter at the top of the lineup while showing his versatility in the field. While he is known for being a lockdown defender on the left field line, Tyler has also stepped in to provide much needed coverage on the left side of infield. The thing that opponents fear most about Tyler is that he may have yet to hit his prime – he has improved his batting average in each of the five seasons he has played, most recently hitting .617 in 2024. This continued improvement has helped him land the comeback player of the year award in both 2022 and 2024, making him one of just two Pigeon Boys to accomplish the feat. Tyler also played a key role in helping the 2022 Pigeon Boys II team capture a league championship by hitting .576 in the leadoff spot and adding 30 runs scored. (MC)

25. ANDREW SWAN

18 POINTS (.426 BA, 4 HR, 77 R, 109 RBI, 1.012 OPS)

There are players whose stats really don’t do them justice.  Andrew Swan is one of those players.  During his eight years as a Pigeon Boy, Swan has never hit about .500, yet every time he steps into the batter’s box, I am filled with confidence that he’ll get on base.  That’s because Swan has all the tools for success: a sweet left-handed swing that targets those nervous right fielders, enough pop to put the ball over the fence, and enormous patience that occasionally results in a free walk to first base.  It’s those skills that make him one of only nine Pigeon Boy hitters with over 75 runs, 100 RBIs, and 4 home runs.  But perhaps Swan’s biggest contribution is on the defensive side of the field, where he consistently gobbles up every fly ball hit within reach.  So what if he’s never hit .500 – the guy is probably tired from his bike ride before he even gets to the field – besides, Swan has still done plenty to be called one of the all-time greats. (MD)

24. JUSTIN STEVENS

25 POINTS (.511 BA, 3 HR, 85 R, 105 RBI, 1.118 OPS)

Whether you needed a big hit, a laugh, some good luck, or someone to help finish the remaining Coors Lights, Justin Stevens was your man.  Standing at 6 foot 4-ish, Justin was one of the tallest Pigeon Boys in history, and one of the few to throw left-handed and own a legitimate first base glove.  He also owned a nut cup, which he would tap the softball against before every inning for luck, at Bob’s request.  It seemed to work, as the Pigeon Boys had some of their most successful years after Justin joined the team in 2013.  2017 was an especially special year for Justin, as he hit .659, finishing second to Charlie Stuckey.  There are some that believe that if Justin had Charlie’s hustle on the field, he may have hit above .900 that magical season.  Justin would retire after the 2021 season, after marrying a wealthy doctor, or something, and the Pigeon Boys would quickly miss his reliable glove and good luck jockstrap.  But Justin’s talents certainly extended far beyond luck, which makes him a very worthy inclusion in the Pigeon Boy countdown. (MD)

23. STEPHEN TAUBEL

27 POINTS (.491 BA, 7 HR, 105 R, 111 RBI, 1.156 OPS)

When I asked Bob to write-up some comments for Stephen Taubel, I received one line back: “Stephen was good.”  Sure he was, but a career as prolific as Stephen’s deserves more respect than a three-word sentence.  The first of six “original Pigeon Boys” to make the list, Stephen was one of just three Pigeon Boys to hit a home run in the 2009 debut season.  He would add two more in 2010 and finish his nine-year career with seven homers, 105 runs, and 111 runs batted in, making Stephen one of just eight Pigeon Boys to hit five homers with 100+ runs and RBIs.  Stephen would retire from the Pigeon Boys twice. The first time was in 2013, after the Pigeon Boys won their second straight title. Stephen wasn’t about chasing after three-peats, but he decided to return four years later. He called it quits again after the 2021 season and start the second chapter of his career in the same way so many other professional athletes have: by purchasing a snow plow business.  But years before he was clearing snow banks, Stephen was clearing the fences with his moonshots and helping the Pigeon Boys win multiple titles along the way.  Some might say that Stephen was “good” at softball, but he wasn’t.  He was great. (MD)

22. SHAWN MORRIS

29 POINTS (.602 BA, 3 HR, 84 R, 70 RBI, 1.363 OPS)

Few pigeon boys exhibit the mentality of “Find A Way” more than Shawn did.  In his handful of years playing on the Pigeon Boys, he showed true grit as a standout shortstop and third baseman, as well as a reliable hitter.  His dedication to the team continued even after moving to Florida, finding time to visit MN and sub in on a very absent-heavy Pigeon Boys 2 Team.  He was a huge contributor in the PB2 championship team in 2022. (WP)

20. NOLAN BAKER

30 POINTS (.599 BA, 11 HR, 59 R, 70 RBI, 1.551 OPS)

You’re probably asking yourself: “Who is Nolan Baker?”  This spirited  troublemaker wreaked havoc on the field – smashing the ball as a hitter, and running circles around fly balls in the outfield.  His stats on the field put him among the all-time greats, but where Nolan really shined was as a raucous teammate in the dugout and as a companionable passenger on the carpool ride home.  As a coach, while he never printed a lineup due to “technological challenges”, he always surprised the team with a wide variety of assorted (expired?) Kirkland beverages. This PB great will never be forgotten! (JZ)

20. JIMMY HECK

30 POINTS (.615 BA, 8 HR, 50 R, 50 RBI, 1.627 OPS)

It only takes one play to understand why Jimmy Heck just stormed onto our Top 25 list—picture a screaming one-hopper in the left-side hole, a glove flash, a pirouette worthy of Broadway, and a 92-mph seed to first that leaves base-runners shaking their heads. That was the first inning of his first softball game back in 2021, and the legend has been snowballing ever since.

Heck arrived on the slow-pitch scene with the swagger of a man who’d already lived a baseball life—and he had. A four-year starter at the University of Minnesota-Duluth, with more than 100 games of professional baseball experience. Eventually the pro dream ended, but it merely rerouted him to the Pigeon Boys.  The numbers since the switch are downright video-gamey. In just 29 league contests he’s racked up 67 hits on 109 at-bats—a .615 clip—blended with 13 doubles, 3 triples and 8 no-doubt missiles that cleared the scoreboard before the outfielders flinched. Toss in 50 RBIs, an OPS that looks like a typo at 1.627, and you start to see why pitching charts now have a line labeled “Pray.” Yet he’s not simply a thunderstick, Voters handed him Defensive Player of the Year honors in 2022 after a season in which ground-ball percentages against his team dropped nine points—because why bother hitting it his way?

Teammates swear the culture changed the day Heck showed up with that pro-ball work ethic. “If you’re not early, you’re late,” he’ll bark, already knee-deep in ladder drills before most guys have laced their turfs. The result? A 66 percent team win rate during his tenure and an infield that’s more airtight than a brand-new pickle jar. Old-timers compare his range to Ozzie Smith’s prime years; younger fans just call him “Google Maps” because he’s seemingly everywhere at once.

So here’s to Jimmy Heck—proof that Plan B can be downright spectacular. He’s carved a permanent groove in our countdown and reminded us all that greatness doesn’t vanish when the minor-league lights dim; sometimes it just finds a bigger stage under slower pitches. (CA)

19. STEVE SPELSHAUS

35 POINTS (.557 BA, 6 HR, 47 R, 52 RBI, 1.455 OPS)

Some Pigeon Boys need to play 15 seasons to make their mark on the all-time Pigeon Boy list.  Steve Spelshaus needed just three.  And there’s no telling how high Steve would have been ranked – and how many championships the Pigeon Boys might have won – if his tenure in Minnesota had lasted longer. 

In fact, there’s a pretty strong argument that the Pigeon Boys wouldn’t even exist if it wasn’t for Steve.  After all, how would I have started a work softball team if I didn’t have any work friends?!  Let me explain:  In 2006 I was hired by a company called Reden & Anders.  I was one of two new hires that year – the other was Steve, a recent University of Minnesota graduate who had the kind of personality that everyone would admire, but clearly it was going to take time for our coworkers to realize that. 

For the first few months nobody talked to us, except when unloading a bunch of work on us.  Steve and I would make trips to Subway over lunch, by ourselves.  Then Steve went to an exam seminar, and he came back with a bunch of friends – enough to fill a softball field. 

Steve moved to Colorado shortly before the 2009 season kicked off, but he would come back in 2014 with a single goal: to win the Pigeon Boys more championships.  An all he did was win, win, win, win, win.  The Pigeon Boys that had Steve on its team went 30 and 12, made it to finals each season, and even won a championship.

And Steve was a big part of the team’s success.  In the 2014 championship year, Steve won both Defensive Player of the Year and Coach of the Year.  He would again win Coach of the Year in 2016, proving that his leadership skills extended far beyond the workplace. 

After the 2016 season, Steve moved back to Colorado, and there’s rumors that he led a new softball team to multiple championships.  Perhaps they’re just that: rumors, but those who were lucky enough to see him play for the Pigeon Boys between 2014 and 2016 choose to believe it. (MD)

18. JAMISON THORSON

40 POINTS (.544 BA, 3 HR, 153 R, 115 RBI, 1.243 OPS)

Often, catchers are considered the weakest position in Major League Baseball. Sure, there was Johnny Bench, Yogi Berra, Pudge, and Mike Piazza, but after that the list starts to wear thin. But in softball, the list of all-time great catchers is even thinner, Jamison Thorson is clearly the G.O.A.T.

How Jamison got his start as a Pigeon Boy is still unclear to me. Prior to the 2011 season, he moved from Wisconsin to Minnesota. Some say it was because he had enrolled in the rotation program and the Bid team required him to be in Minnesota. Others say that he came to Minnesota to claim the spot behind home plate. And claim it, he did.

In his first season as a Pigeon Boy, he hit a whopping .652, despite batting last in the lineup for much of the season. His combination of solid contact and lightning speed clearly made it a challenge for opposing teams throw him out, even when he’d hit a groundball to their star shortstop. Not their fault – how could they have known that the catcher would look like a blurry photo on his way to first base?

Surely, Jamison’s talents could have been used better at other positions, but he always seemed content behind home plate, chatting with the umpire and likely chanting “no batter, no batter, no batter” from time to time. And most importantly, talking Bob Spence out of doing pointless cartwheels from the pitcher’s mound. For that alone, he deserves a spot on this list.

But despite his enormous rookie season, Jamison was really a player who clearly improved each season. Although he’d never be awarded the coveted Most Improved Award, he would finish in the top 3 in votes in four of his eight seasons.

In 2016, Jamison would shift away from the catcher position and in doing so, he would finish as the runner up in the Defensive Player of the Year award voting. He’d also start flashing some power, as he belted two softballs over the fence that year.

Jamison would hang up his Pigeon Boy cleats after the 2018 season, but he still ranks in the top ten all time in runs, hits, and triples. More importantly, he also ranked in the top ten in my ballot of the greatest Pigeon Boys of all time. (MD)

17. DAN KATZMAN

41 POINTS (.578 BA, 4 HR, 91 R, 74 RBI, 1.498 OPS)

Dan “Kat Daddy” Katzman:  Starting as just a PB2 sub, Dan quickly engrained himself as a top tier Pigeon Boys player of all time.  He would often invite numerous ladies to come watch him play, and never failed to impress (the ladies or his own teammates).  It’s hard to decide what people liked more, the bucket hat or the diving catches that he would make on the regular.  Dan excelled as a defender in the outfield as well as a hitter, labelled as “Speedy Gonzalez” by some.  He played a critical role in the PB2 championship team, and was even recruited to play big boy baseball with his teammates on the weekends. (WP)

16. TOM LANGER

52 POINTS (.683 BA, 13 HR, 78 R, 88 RBI, 1.863 OPS)

Ernie Leonard started his Pigeon Boy career like no other. He went 12 for 14 and was on pace to break Adam Edmison’s single season batting average record of .846. But make no mistake, the biggest contribution Ernie would ever make to the Pigeon Boys was when he invited his college roommate, Tom Langer to sub for a game.

Tom was invited back to sub again the next week and during his two week trial, he went 11 for 14 with a homer run, 8 runs scored and 6 RBIs. The next time he’d be asked to sub would be the last, because he would break the mold and become only the second sub in Pigeon Boys history to be asked to become a permanent team member. And by doing so, I may have just saved my job as the team’s GM.

Since then, Tom has done nothing but rip the cover off softballs and win Defensive Player of the Year awards. He would finish 2022 having subbed just half the season’s games, yet it would be enough for Tom to finish third in Rookie of the Year voting and win his first of three Defensive Player of the Year awards.

If Tom ever had a “down” season, it was in 2023 when he hit just .603. Most would be happy with that kind of season, but Tom decided it was time to find some extra pop in the bat. He didn’t turn to steroids, but rather to something much more effective: “dad strength.”

Tom’s 2024 season has to be considered one of the greatest seasons ever for a Pigeon Boy. He became just the fourth Pigeon Boy to win the Triple Crown and he dethroned Chad Arlt from winning an eighth consecutive MVP title. Anyone who claims that “dad strength” is a myth clearly didn’t see Tom Langer play softball in 2024. He’d finish the 2024 season with nine homers and a whopping .726 batting average. Oh, and did I mention that he’d win another Defensive Player of the Year award? No big deal.

But stats can only capture so much. They don’t capture Tom’s ability to make teammates laugh, his willingness to update the scorebook, his dedication to carry a 50 pound cooler for his team, or his coaching skills that revamped Bob Spence’s swing at age 40. But if they did, Tom would surely be ranked higher than 16th.

Then again, *technically* Tom wasn’t supposed to be eligible since he sort of only played two full seasons. Do I care? Not at all. If he can save my career as a GM, I can bend the rules a little bit to make sure he’s eligible for a countdown that he earned the right to be on. And, there’s no doubt in my mind, that this is the last Pigeon Boys countdown that we’ll see Tom Langer’s name outside of the top ten. (MD)

15. MARK VANDER VEGTE

57 POINTS (.630 BA, 15 HR, 50 R, 69 RBI, 1.724 OPS)

By week three, the 2009 Pigeon Boys were in shambles. This was a team that was 20-runned in week one and 10-runned in week 2. And, even worse, there were no signs that things would get better. How bad was it? So bad that we could no longer even field an entire team, since some players were too embarrassed to show their face on a baseball diamond with so many riff-raffs. Then our prayers were answered, in the form of sub who could absolutely annihilated the ball.

Mark Vander Vegte was asked to sub by his friend Chris Gjestvang in the third week of the inaugural season. Little did he know that he would be coming back nearly every week for the next three years. And if he hadn’t, the Pigeon Boys likely would have continued to drop like flies until there’d be no team at all. Instead, Mark helped them bounce back and by season’s end, they had put together a five-game winning streak. A team that once looked hopeless had figured at least one thing out: if this team was going to succeed, they need some help from a non-actuary.

Mark would finish the season with a .600 batting average and 4 home runs, and would finish second to Adam in MVP voting. He would add four more home runs the next year and would become the first coach ever awarded the coveted Coach of the Year award. But his third and final season is truly where he earned a spot on the all-time great list, as well as a spot in the Pigeon Boys’ Hall of Fame.

That season, he would hit an unbelievable .795, despite the fact that there were limited holes on the smaller fields. And smaller fields or not, he’d also smash 7 home runs. Matt Holm often gets a lot of credit for turning the Pigeon Boys into Eden Prairie’s best softball team in the early 2010s, but Mark Vander Vegte doesn’t get enough credit. There’s no way the Pigeon Boys go 11-1 in 2011 without Mark’s incredible season.

Unfortunately, Mark wouldn’t return for the 2012 season, when the Pigeon Boys would win their first championship. Too bad, because few were as deserving of a glorious league championship T-shirt as much as Mark was.

Mark’s retirement would be big loss for the Pigeon Boys, but also one that especially hurt since we didn’t get to see him on a daily basis at the office. I’d still get an occasional text from Mark when Arcade Fire would win a Grammy or get an invite when he was having a grill out, but even those eventually faded. But one thing that hasn’t faded is the memories of how great it was to be able to bat before Mark in the lineup. Not only because he’d always have words of encouragement, but also because I knew if I could get on first base, Mark would surely hit me home. (MD)

14. MATT LICHTY

64 POINTS (.553 BA, 9 HR, 81 R, 121 RBI, 1.405 OPS)

If you played any broomball with Matt Lichty, you’d understand immediately why his natural given ability in that sport would translate to the softball diamond. His grit, determination, and sheer chaos creating mentality knows no bounds.  

Matt burst onto the scene in 2016, winning ROY mainly for those qualities mentioned above. It needs to be pointed out I was very hesitant when Matt stood on the wrong side of the plate when up to bat, but all is forgiven when your swing emulates Ken Griffey Jr. His smooth stroke resulted in a career BA of .553 and created terror in those playing defense on the right side of the infield/outfield. Matt’s too cool attitude and flat-brimmed hats were intimidating to say the least. He also averaged 0.5 RBI per AB, which is an advanced metric that has the league buzzing like Moneyball did back in 2011. 

Following up a stellar rookie season, he snagged the Defensive Player of the Year award in 2017. There are no “zones” when playing outfield, if Matt can get to a ball, he’ll get to it, no matter where it is and who is in his way. I don’t think Dubes has kept the “runs saved” statistic, but if he did, Matt would most certainly be near the top. 

Aside from his play on the field, Matt was just a wonderful teammate. Need advice with your swing, a shoulder to cry on, free pizza; he was your guy. Matt’s five seasons with the Pigeon Boys ended in 2021 as he moved dang near Buffalo, MN or whatever city is west and seemingly 2 hours away. I miss playing with Matt as I’m sure everyone else does who likes winning and that is why is he a stellar addition at number 14 in the Pigeon Boys countdown.  (MM)

13. CHRIS GJESTVANG

73 POINTS (.516 BA, 2 HR, 85 R, 73 RBI, 1.210 OPS)

The man, the myth, the legend. There is really only one word that comes to mind when I think of playing softball with Chris. That word is “explosive”; from the way the ball exploded off his bat, to the sonic boom made when he ran the bases. As a defensive specialist, Chris was willing to put his body, and the bodies of others on the line to ensure victory, which once led to a rib bursting.

Chris played with a deep passion for the game, which sometimes erupted on teammates, opponents, and maybe one umpire. However, the biggest explosion came on a humid summer night after a few beers sitting on the bench next to Chris. The alluminum bench trembled and twisted with the power of a thousand suns going supernova all at once as I bore witness to the most epic fart of all time.

Chris Gjestvang exploded onto the scene in the summer of 2009 and changed the face of the franchise forever with only a four year career. 12 years later, we are still trying to pick up the pieces and get back to the glory days of when Chris roamed the field. But if you’re lucky and wearing a nasal strip on a humid summer night at Round Lake Park, you can still catch a whiff of Chris, even if it’s only just for a moment. The truth is he’s a lifetime Pigeon Boy and will always be in our hearts and noses.

Disclaimer: Some stories may have been made up or embellished. Chris’s lawyers tell me there is no way to prove that Chris has ever farted in his entire life. (BS)

12. RANDY JACKS

75 POINTS | 1 FIRST PLACE VOTE (.432 BA, 0 HR, 83 R, 75 RBI, 0.929 OPS)

“What time do we play, what field do we play on, and who’s bringing the beverages?” Those are the questions Randy Jacks would ask before every Thursday during the Pigeon Boys season. Did he care what field we played on so he could scout the wind? Nope. Was his question regarding the time of the game so he could show up early and stretch? Absolutely not. Randy asked those questions so he knew where to be, and what time to be there in order to have fun. Plain and simple.

Randy was the ultimate glue guy and leader for his Pigeon Boys teams in his six-year stretch from 2014-2019. During those years he won the COY award FOUR years in a row, a Pigeon Boy record that might never be broken and some say rivals Cal Ripken Jr’s consecutive game streak. He also wasn’t afraid to step in and protect his fellow teammates from unruly opposing players, or blue if there was a questionable call. A small-town WI boy through and through, when it was his turn to be manager, he’d passive-aggressively put himself last in the lineup and bring beverages that NEVER exceeded $10 a case.

Out in the field Randy was a menace. He mostly played in the OF and used a glove that was 3 sizes too big so the ball would simply “find” its way there.  In fact, he exuded so much effort in the field that when he got up to bat, he was still a bit tired. Did that limit his effort? Heck no. However, it was evident in his single to hits ratio of 91%. Or maybe he always stopped at first because he was thirsty… Who am I to know what the real reason was?

All in all, Randy earned his place on the All-Time Pigeon Boys list because everyone wanted to play with him and be on his team. He brought the energy and the good vibes to make the game more enjoyable. Vince Lombardi is idolized for saying “Winning isn’t everything, it’s the only thing.” Well Mr. Lombardi never met Randy Jacks. And while Randy experienced plenty of success on the field in terms of wins, he goes down in Pigeon Boys lore at number 12 in the countdown for intangibles that cannot be measured in the gamebook. (MM)

11. MICHAEL MORTENSON

85 POINTS (.565 BA, 3 HR, 107 R, 77 RBI, 1.357 OPS)

In the illustrious realm of Pigeon Boy softball, one man rose from unknown rookie to undisputed legend in a single, glorious season: Michael Mortenson.

In a feat that defied both logic and league bylaws, Mortenson snagged Rookie of the Year and MVP honors in the same season—essentially showing up, cracking a beer, and winning games. His bat was hotter than pavement in July, and his glove had more range than a Midwest weather forecast—unpredictable, wide-reaching, and occasionally awe-inspiring.

But Mortenson wasn’t done padding the stat sheet. Over the next four seasons, he added two Cy Young awards to his trophy case, proving he could deal from the mound just as well as he could mash at the plate. His pitches had so much movement, opposing batters started bringing backup bats—and backup excuses.

Whether he was striking out the side or launching moonshots into the next zip code, Mortenson played like a man on a mission. Since Mortenson moved away and ghosted the Pigeon Boys in 2018, the team’s been in a rebuild—emotionally, athletically, and spiritually. (RJ)

10. DAN HOFFMAN

86 POINTS (.533 BA, 8 HR, 181 R, 176 RBI, 1.190 OPS)

By 2013, the Pigeon Boys had already cemented itself as the team to beat in the Thursday bronze league with back to back 11-win seasons and a recent championship. However, the chances of a repeat looked slim, as many of the Pigeon Boy’s biggest hitters left the team to join a silver league elsewhere. The heavy production from the bats of Matt Holm, Adam Edmison, and Chris Gjestvang would need to be replaced. Fortunately, three rookies did everything they could do to fill that void: Tyler Santa, Justin Stevens, and Dan Hoffman.

Dan may not look like a softball player when he rolls up to the field. You won’t find him in a baseball hat, or see him putting on batting gloves. But once you see him swing the bat, you realize he was made for this game.

Dan took over the hot corner, which was vacant from Adam’s departure, and quickly became a regular name in the Defensive Player of the Year conversations. His steady glovework and ability to throw hard strikes to first base would nearly win him the top defensive award in two of his first four seasons.

But Dan shined brightest was when he’d pick up his Louisville Slugger bat, step up to the plate, and put his tennis skills to work. Like Roger Federer with a bat, Dan would put the ball wherever he wanted to, which would help become one of just four Pigeon Boys to hit above .625 in three consecutive seasons. The others? Chad Arlt, Adam Edmison, and Matt Holm. Tell me that’s not impressive company to be paired with!

Yet, Dan wasn’t just about getting on base. He could also smash the ball over that left field fence, whether there were wind gusts or not. From 2015 to 2019, Dan sent eight softballs into the stands, making him one of just five Pigeon Boys to homer in five straight seasons. Not surprisingly, Dan would get married in 2020. After all, as the great Greg Maddux once said, “chicks dig the longball.”

There are many other things that can be seen on Dan’s stat sheets, including how he ranks in the top 5 all time in runs, hits, and runs batted in. Yet, the stat sheet can’t capture how great of a teammate Dan has been. When he joined the team in 2013, I barely knew him at all. He was an Optum guy, and I had long since been moved to the 9700 building. Yet, over the past 11 seasons, Dan has become one of my closest friends. Maybe it’s because, deep down, we all sort of dig the longballs, or maybe it’s because Dan is such a great friend and teammate.

The youngsters who have joined the team in recent years may question Dan’s spot in the top ten, as they never witnessed the Dan Hoffman who hit .589 with 7 homers in his first six seasons. But those of us fortunate enough to see him play through the 2010s, wonder why he didn’t crack the top five. (MD)

8. TYLER SANTA

103 POINTS (.578 BA, 10 HR, 94 R, 123 RBI, 1.498 OPS)

With a surname of Santa, everyone expected Tyler to deliver the goods when he joined the Pigeon Boys in 2013.  Yet, nobody could have expected the gifts would be quite this big.  For six years, Santa made us all believe in Christmas in July, but also Christmas in May and June as well.  But I’m getting ahead of myself.  Let’s go back to 2013.

That was the year that Tyler joined the Pigeon Boys.  He was a recent University of Minnesota graduate, so clearly we knew he was smart.  But whether or not he was athletic was still to be seen.  Rumor has it that he was the youngest Pigeon Boy to ever play the game.  I’m not sure how old he was, but some believe we had to keep the cooler away from him because he wasn’t old enough to drink.

But he was certainly old enough to hit, and he did so each week.  In just his second week, Tyler went 4 for 4 with a home run and 8 runs batted in.  And Christmas in May was born.  By the end of his rookie season, he led the team in runs, hits, and doubles, which would earn him well-deserved Rookie of the Year honors.  Perhaps more impressively, he would also finish just two points behind in the Most Valuable Player voting, nearly ending Matt’s MVP streak.

Two years later, Tyler’s name would again often be mentioned in the MVP discussions, as he hit .628 with 3 home runs.  Ultimately, he would finish third behind Jared Yost and Chad Arlt, but those are two names that are nice to be in the conversation with.

By 2016, Tyler’s commitment to the Pigeon Boys had clearly declined.  He would play six games on the Pigeon Boy’s only silver team in history before hanging up the cleats.  But the cleats wouldn’t have much time to collect dust.

After a one year retirement, Tyler returned in 2018.  Perhaps he sensed that he needed to give it a little more to make it into the Pigeon Boys all time top 10 list, or perhaps he just missed the game.  Either way, we were happy to have him back, as he put together two more seasons where he’d hit about .570. Perhaps Covid ended Tyler’s career, as he never returned after the 2019 season.  Yet, like the pandemic itself, Tyler made his mark in the history books.  He would finish his career with a .578 batting average and 10 home runs.  And, perhaps more importantly, he would all make us believe in Santa once again. (MD)

8. CHARLIE STUCKEY

103 POINTS (.608 BA, 0 HR, 117 R, 52 RBI, 1.410 OPS)

I never got to see Ricky Henderson swipe a base, or Chris Johnson score a touchdown. I’ve never seen a cheetah run across an African prairie, or seen Dale Earnhardt zoom around the track. But, I have seen Charlie Stuckey outrun a groundball hit directly to first base, so I know what fast is.

Unfortunately, advanced statistics haven’t made its way into the Pigeon Boys’ budget yet, but if it had, it’d be interesting to see just how fast Charlie was in his prime. Outrunning ground balls to the shortstop was nothing – Charlie needed to hit it to the pitcher or second baseman if he wanted a real challenge.

Would Charlie have hit .600 if he was as slow as the rest of us? Definitely not. Would he have hit 1.000 if he only hit groundballs? Perhaps. All I know is that for those of us lucky enough to see Charlie run full speed to first – or at least lucky enough to see that blurry flash that slightly resembled Charlie – it felt like we were witnessing one of the Seven Wonders of the World.

It was that lightning speed that helped Charlie become one of just five Pigeon Boys to hit above .600 while playing at least 50 games. It was also that speed that convinced me to select Charlie as the third overall pick in the 2017 draft. I just knew that with Charlie and Chad in the same outfield, opponents would leave Round Lake in frustration.

I think others knew it too. In his 7 years, he finished in the top two in Defensive Player of the Year four times, and won the award twice. They’d get pushed to the back of his crowded trophy room, which was stacked so many awards: Rookie of the Year in 2011, Most Improved/Comeback Player of the Year in 2014, and Coach of the Year in 2015, to go alongside those two DPOY awards.

But the awards don’t capture just how great of a teammate Charlie was. With his positive energy, movie star smile, great one-liners, and the voice of a songbird, Stuckey was what the big leaguers refer to as a “clubhouse guy.” Yet, “clubhouse guy” seems to understate just how good Charlie was on the field.

Charlie was still in his prime in 2017, although it’d be his last season. It’d also be his second consecutive season where he’d hit above .680 and he’d also post career highs in runs, RBI’s, hits, doubles, and OPS that season. Would he have been the number one draft pick in 2018? Quite possibly. Instead he’ll have to settle for eighth on the all time list and number one in the hearts of so many Pigeon Boys’ fans. (MD)

7. Jordan Zoellmer

122 POINTS (.619 BA, 6 HR, 139 R, 156 RBI, 1.520 OPS)

Jordan, the fearless leader of the Pigeon Boys 2 Team for a majority of its existence, has been known to be a top tier performer both in the field and as a hitter.  After being recruited in 2018, he quickly took the reigns of PB2 and led them to a championship a few years after.  Everybody on the team knew they could rely on Jordan setting up the roster, creating the Google spreadsheet, etc. (because nobody else would do it otherwise, and he couldn’t help himself).  His efforts as a leader also included recruiting other players to join PB2, keeping the morale high on the team, and having the best attendance of any PB2 player throughout the years.  

But attendance wasn’t all Jordan strived in.  In his first year as a Pigeon Boy, he hit a ridiculous .691 and posted an OPS of 1.785, helping him win Rookie of the Year and nearly adding an MVP award to boot.  Awards would become a norm for Jordan.  In fact, there are rumors that he had to retire in 2023 simply because there was no more space in his trophy room. 

In his five years as a Pigeon Boy, Jordan won Coach of the Year three times and finish in the top three for MVP three times.  By the time he hung up the spikes in 2023, Jordan had a .619 batting average, 6 home runs and 156 RBIs.  To this day, he is one of only three Pigeon Boys to hit .600 and bat in 150 runs (the others being Chad Arlt and Adam Edmison).  

Yet stats don’t capture how good Jordan was defensively.  He would never finish below second in Defensive Player of the Year and would win the award his first three years, before his teammates decided it was time to share the award with others.

Jordan’s abilities in the outfield to catch any ball that came to him (or went to anyone else, and he would yell BALL BALL BALL so the whole park could here him), and to find a gap in the outfield when hitting, is amongst the all-time Pigeon Boy greats, so it’s no surprise to see him this high in the rankings.  (WP)

6. PATRICK BAGAN

151 POINTS (.534 BA, 27 HR, 142 R, 186 RBI, 1.474 OPS)

If you Google the definition of spark plug, this is what you should find: “A person who gives energy to an activity involving others Patrick Reginald Bagan”. Ok, maybe I made up that middle name to make him sound cooler cause his real middle name is such a boring 90’s name, but Patrick Bagan was the quintessential spark plug for the Pigeon Boys during his 8-year tenure with the team.

Always willing to go the extra mile, Pat simply tried harder and outworked you in all phases of the game. One can argue, he tried so hard his stats suffered as I’m fairly certain if he didn’t try and stretch every single into a double, his BA would be 0.699 instead of the 0.534 the record book shows. His effort on defense could also not be matched as his range at shortstop extended from left field to second base as I seem to recall Pat throwing a guy out running  third to home from backing up a routine ground ball hit to the second baseman. That must have been his 2018 Defensive Player of the Year season.

While Pat definitely only knew one speed, that is not the sole reason he settles in at number 6 on the countdown. He also possessed a raw power/speed combination that saw him hit just about as many home runs (27) as he did triples (26). Additionally, he dabbled in pitching showing everyone he could be well-rounded and play any position except left out.

Lastly, Pat brought awareness to the Pigeon Boys by not only being a star attraction, but by bringing fans to the games! Sure, the few fans that attended may have been his wife and her friends who pseudo turned the games she attended into an opportunity for a little social club, those are minor details. We had an audience, and that gave the Pigeon Boys the extra incentive to perform their best.

Congratulations on your spot in the countdown Pat! You deserve it and are missed by all most of us that were graced with your presence on the softball diamond, and maybe more importantly, in life. (MM)

5. Bob Spence

155 POINTS | 1 FIRST PLACE VOTE (.478 BA, 0 HR, 184 R, 143 RBI, 1.013 OPS)

The Pigeon Boys started in 2009, but this story goes back to 2002.  That’s when I met Bob Spence, outside of the Griggs’ dorm rooms at UMD, where he was throwing a football with some friends.  With his 110-pound frame and his weird throwing motion, I didn’t instantly think “this guy could be one of the greatest Pigeon Boys of all time,” but twenty-some years later: here we are.

How could I predict that he’d go down as one of the greats, with how incredibly unpredictable Bob is?  As a GM, I never knew if Bob would pay his share of the team dues, or if he’d pay double.  As a hitter, he was even less predictable.  Three seasons, he has hit above .600, but he also hit an abysmal .226 back in 2011 – although to this date he claims he would have hit .900 if his hits weren’t counted as errors.

When Bob was coaching, we never knew if there’d be beer.  But there was also a chance that there’d be shots, cupcakes, McDonalds, and any other weird requests one might have.  On one especially hot day, Bob brought me a portable fan, which I should dig out of storage now that I often play DH.  It’s that kind of thoughtfulness that helped him place in the top three for Coach of the Year a whopping ten times – an award he’d also win four times.

Even his future as a Pigeon Boy is a bit unpredictable.  He has stated that he’s going to play until he’s 50 but also has said he’s quitting on the spot if he doesn’t crack the top 15 in this countdown.  Was it a message to voters?  Who knows, but I for one am glad that Bob is still a Pigeon Boy – at least until the next countdown.

On the mound is where Bob really shined, and where his performance found some consistency in his unpredictable world.  It is there where he’d collect eight Cy Young Awards, win 76 games, and strike out 116 batters – one of them being our own Chad Arlt.  I know this because Bob often reminds us.  He also holds one more Pigeon Boy record, for the most cartwheels done on the mound.  The stat book doesn’t show the exact number of cartwheels that Bob has performed, but my memory recalls that the number is much higher than it should be.

That’s the kind of player that Bob Spence is.  He’s unpredictable, but also a lot of fun, and a teammate that I’ve always wanted on my team.  And when it comes down to greatness, being a great teammate – or at least a fun one – matters.  And clearly others agree, based on Bob’s placement in the top five.   Bob will tell you himself that he should be number one, and he backed it up by his ballot. Maybe he’s right.  After all, he may be number five in the countdown, but he’ll always be number one in our hearts.  (MD)

4. Adam Edmison

181 POINTS | 1 FIRST PLACE VOTE (.701 BA, 72 HR, 171 R, 269 RBI, 2.238 OPS)

In 2017, Eden Prairie moved its softball field fences back 25 feet.  Rumor has it that they did it because they were getting complaints from neighbors that their windows were getting smashed by Adam Edmison home runs.  Nobody can confirm that windows were ever smashed, but we can confirm that Edmison hit 72 home runs in just 87 games.  Had the fences always been at 300 feet, he likely would have only hit 86. 

That’s because Edmison smashed the ball.  He didn’t just hit softballs 25 feet over the fence – he sent them into the next town.  And if it wasn’t a home run, fielders better take cover.  I had the misfortune of batting before Adam for a few seasons and I can tell you that there are few things scarier than standing at third base when Adam was up.  He could send a missile so fast your way, that at one point I even bought a helmet. 

Edmison played third base himself, but I doubt he ever understood just how scary it was to be in that position as he stepped up to the bat.  That’s because – quite frankly – nobody else in the league hit the ball with as much exit velocity as he did. 

Edmison would play seven seasons as a Pigeon Boy and would win one MVP award and finish second in voting four times.  There were only two reasons he didn’t win more awards: 1) because he shared the field with Matt Holm and 2) because his comments about less talented teammates didn’t exactly buy him votes.  Barry Bonds suffered from the same.  Perhaps all the greats do.

In many ways, Edmison is the Barry Bonds of the Pigeon Boys, minus the juicing.  He ranks third all time in batting average, second in home runs and runs batted in, and first in slugging percentage.  And he accomplished all of this in just seven seasons – less than half of what I’ve played.  Perhaps the fact that Adam has more home runs and RBIs in seven seasons that I have in 15 is a testament of my playing.  But I like to think that it shows just how incredible Adam’s contributions were to the Pigeon Boys.  And anyone who ever stood at third base while Adam stepped up to the plate is likely to agree.  That is, if they lived to tell. (MD)

3. Mike Duberowski

217 POINTS | 4 FIRST PLACE VOTES (.532 BA, 6 HR, 283 R, 246 RBI, 1.209 OPS)

I hate to be a Jamo on what should be a joyous occasion, but as I sit here trying to do a write up worthy of the GOAT, I feel my words coming up short. It’s hard to overcome the disservice the voters (including myself) have done to the best Pigeon Boy of all time. When I was told Mike Duberowski was voted the 3rd best Pigeon Boy and not number one, I threw up in my mouth out of disgust. It had me question everything I thought goes into making a beer league softball player great. Then I realized that problem wasn’t with Mike, oh no no, the problem was all of you (and me)! Just like the reason this country has been slowly deteriorating into a dystopian hellscape, the issue is an uneducated and uninformed electorate making poor choices. Let your education begin NOW, so this atrocity doesn’t happen on the next top 25 list.

A measure of a great beer league softball player isn’t something as trivial as home runs, a crazy high batting average, running insanely fast, or breaking a rib for your team, It’s so much more than that. As far as I know in sports history no other Owner, GM, Player, Coach has done more for his sport than Mike “Don’t Bat me Last” Duberowski. Without him we wouldn’t have a top 25 and that alone should be enough for better than 3rd place. He does so much for the team that goes under the radar; from remembering the game balls (most of the time), bringing his 12 to 14 bats to each game, making sure we have enough players each game, and a team each year. His compassion knows no bounds. Mike always goes out of his way to be inclusive making sure everyone who wants to play gets a chance.

Mike is the most reliable Pigeon Boy of all time with almost 150 more at bats then second-best Pigeon Boy of all time, Bob “Bruised Leg & Ego” Spence while playing the same number of years. He has almost 100 more hits than the third best Pigeon Boy, Chad “Questionable” Arlt. I can’t even compare him to the fourth best Pigeon Boy, Matt “I Got it” Holm because he didn’t play enough seasons. To go with all of that Mike “Nice Guy” Duberwoski is tied for first in all time doubles, third all-time RBIs, second all-time runs, and third all-time triples.

I guess it makes sense that some voters didn’t think to put Mike at the top of their rankings, how often do you think of softball Gods when you are ranking them among mere mortal men. Hopefully this educational rant will sink into your monkey skulls for the next time we take a vote and you all can do the right thing and vote Mike “He Should Brag More” Duberwoski as the GOAT of the Pigeon Boys that he is.

If you still aren’t convinced and were hoping that the write up was even longer than it already is here are some reviews from respected softball visionaries from around the world.

“Definitive Opinion… Mike Duberowski is bar none the best softball mind of our time.”

– The Paisano Hoffman Softball Journal

“Years from now, when our present day is as remote from men and women (or cyborgs) as the events of the First Age, people may still tell tales out of the Eden Prairie softball league. If so, Mike Duberowski will be one of them.”

 – The Chris & Steve Gazette

“An impressive specimen of mythic magnitude… Michael Harriett Duberwoski may turn out to the best softball player the world has ever known.”

 – The Tyler Taubel Chronicles (BS)

2. Chad Arlt

269 POINTS | 7 FIRST PLACE VOTES (.678 BA, 89 HR, 266 R, 341 RBI, 2.117 OPS)

Filling out a ballot of the 15 greatest Pigeon Boys of all time is no easy task.  My ballot had multiple revisions – by the time I had an order that I was satisfied with, my pencil was dull and my eraser was gone.  But one thing remained consistent through all my revisions: Chad Arlt was always securely placed at the very top of the list.

For me, it’s a no brainer: Chad is without a doubt the greatest Pigeon Boy in the team’s 15-year history.  How could he not be?!  He won seven straight MVP awards from 2016 to 2023, and most years the race wasn’t even close. 

Let put that number into perspective: Kareem Abdul-Jabbar won six MVPs, Michael Jordan won five, and LeBron James won four.  In the NFL, Peyton Manning has the most ever with five.  Only one MLB player ever won seven in a row, but that feat was tarnished by steroids.  Sorry, Barry Bonds.  And unlike Bonds, Chad won 7 STRAIGHT MVPs.  This puts him in a class with only one other person: Wayne Gretzky – perhaps better known as “The Great One.”

And that’s what Chad Arlt is to the Pigeon Boys: “the great one.”  I’d give him that nickname himself, but he’s almost surely too humble to want such a name.  Sure, Matt Holm may have had a higher peak – at least defensively – but his three-year career simply cannot compare to the enormous value that Chad has brought to the Pigeon Boys over the past 11 seasons. 

And others seem to agree – mostly.  Sure, Chad may be number two on the countdown, but one former Pigeon Boy told me – perhaps in confidence – that he only voted for players he played with.  That single ballot is the only reason that Chad lost by the narrowest of margins.

But even if Chad is unable to top this countdown, he still is tops in so many categories.  His 89 home runs shattered Adam Edmison’s record and his 17 homers in 2022 set the single season record.  He also holds records in doubles and RBIs and is top three in hits, runs, triples, and OPS.

Chad Arlt simply was built differently than the rest of us.  Nobody – not even Charlie Stuckey – could dash around all four bases as quickly as Chad.  In the field, there was no ball he couldn’t catch, even if his arm was too shot to throw that ball back in.  And with a bat in his hands, Chad reached bat speeds that the rest of us could only dream about.

It’s been an incredible honor to wear a Pigeon Boys jersey for 15 years and there have been so many incredible players and teammates that I’ve been fortunate to play with.  But from my perspective, only Chad Arlt can be called the greatest of all time.  An incredible athlete and an even better teammate – and perhaps an even better actuary – Chad is to the Pigeon Boys what Wayne Gretzky was to the NHL: “The Great One.” (MD)

1. Matt Holm

278 POINTS | 7 FIRST PLACE VOTES (.767 BA, 34 HR, 150 R, 142 RBI, 2.250 OPS)

Matt Holm is to Pigeon Boys softball what Tom Brady is to the NFL, what Michael Jordan (not Lebron James) is to the NBA, what Wayne Gretzky is to the NHL, what Joey Chestnut is to the hot dog eating championship,  what Ken Jennings is to Jeopardy and the list goes on.   He is the best of the best of the best.  He resides in a single tier above everyone else. And anyone who’s had the enormous privilege to see Matt play a single inning at shortstop or slap a softball over the right field fence certainly agrees.

That is Matt is both an offensive and defensive juggernaut.  On offense, he swings the bat with the force of a lumberjack, with the grace of a jedi master and with rage of a Chris Gjestvang.  One of Matt’s favorite hobbies is etching a notch on his bat after every home run. He only played three full seasons with the Pigeon Boys and the rumor is that he had to quit because he ran out of space on his bat to tally future homers. 

On defensive, no ground ball has ever gotten past Matt.  And when the batters try to hit the ball in the air, Matt will track it down and catch it, risking life and limbs and rib cages to ensure the out is made.  (JT)

A special thank you to everyone who has contributed write-ups: Chad Arlt (CA), Mitch Callister (MC), Mike Duberowski (MD), Randy Jacks (RJ), Michael Mortenson (MM), William Primm (WP), Bob Spence (BS), and Jordan Zoellmer (JZ)